Two witches watch two watches. Which witch watched which watch?
 - Unknown
%
We Scare because We Care
 - "Monsters & Co" movie
%
All a man really needs to be happy is work,
and a woman to drag him away from it,
or so I'm told. - Mike C. Fletcher
%
Inside every old guy is a young guy wondering WTF happened.
 - big-giant-head, Slashdot
%
Happiness isn't happiness without a violin-playing goat.
 - Julia Roberts in the "Notting Hill" movie, with reference
    to a Chagall painting
%
My god carries a hammer. Your god died nailed to a tree. Any questions?
 - maxpublic on Slashdot, July 2005
%
The only thing the meek inherit is their ass being handed to them.
 - Elaine "hfb" Ashton, October 2005
%
It will always be true that people that drive slower than me are morons,
and people that drive faster than me are idiots. :)
 - Matthew Carlisle on Slashdot, December 2005
%
It might be a good rule simply to avoid any prestigious task.
If it didn't suck, they wouldn't have had to make it prestigious.
 - Paul Graham, January 2006
%
There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today than
on Alzheimer's research. This means that by 2040, there should be a large
elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no
recollection of what to do with them. - David Icke, April 2006
%
oh oh, cavallo, oh oh, cavallo,
oh oh, cavallo, oh oh, cavallo,
oh oh
 - Roberto Vecchioni, Samarcanda, 1977
%
Even if sometimes I talk in a teacher's way, it doesn't
necessarily mean that I know what I'm saying.
 - Nicola Larosa, January 2007
Il fatto che sembro a volte assumere un tono professorale
non significa necessariamente che sappia di cosa parlo.
 - Nicola Larosa, Gennaio 2007
%
Well, it's been over 10 years now since I was a product manager for
a computer (networking) hardware company [...] Gah, "transitioning"???
I just used way too many corporate buzzwords in the above post.
Bad flashbacks. I feel dirty. OK, I have to go take a shower now.
 - Ken Restivo, January 2007
%
Sul lavoro per essere pagata e stimata quanto un uomo, una donna deve
essere intelligente ed efficiente almeno il doppio, ma per fortuna questo
non è difficile. - Anonima, citata da Paolo Marchiori, Maggio 2006
%
Any word not used as an expletive is not being used
to its fullest potential. - Fred Drake, March 2007
%
Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
 - Anonymous
%
Touring [is] not a bad way to make a living, albeit hard work, and not
without its scary moments. Like waking up in an hotel room you don't
remember checking into, and not being able to remember what town
or even what *country* you're in. Then looking out the window and
*still* being none the wiser. It usually turns out to be Belgium.
 - Joe Jackson, A Cure for Gravity, 1999
%
The hallowed (sacred) hallows (relics) of a hallowed (holy) hallow
(saint) might be hallowed (venerated) in a hallowed (consacrated)
hallow (shrine). - "Hallow" Wikipedia page, October 2007
%
The analogy of putting the toothpaste back in the tube seems appropriate,
but that's a piece of cake comparatively. In this case you're actually
trying to un-brush the crud back onto your teeth, and each piece of crud
should go right back where it was originally. - Damien Katz, April 2006
%
Self-importance is bad enough by itself, even without the ignorance,
but you seem to do great in both. - George Sakkis, November 2007
%
The music business has always created celebrities. And each celebrity has
profited for decades from that fame. Frank Sinatra is dead and he's still
profiting. Elvis is still alive and he's certainly still profiting.
 - Seth Godin, January 2008
%
All I know about dentistry comes from being on the wrong end of the drill
 - Jakob Nielsen, March 2008
%
Many of us get something out of being Pastafarians; we enjoy being part
of this community. If it offends Christians, that was not our intention.
I like Jesus. I think he would have been a Pastafarian, had he known
about the FSM in his time. - Bobby Henderson, April 2008
%
Le piste dei caselli sono spesso attraversate da pedoni: possono essere
i casellanti in servizio o automobilisti che hanno problemi col pagamento
(e quindi si aggirano smarriti tra le piste). - www.quattroruote.it
%
Look, it's a "connect-the-dots" game... when all the dots are connected,
the word *Y.I.K.E.S.* appears. - Jon Husband, June 2008
Nicola Larosa - http://www.tekNico.net/
%
K.D.: Make the "dead-monster-goo" green instead of red, to be more
  kidfriendly. "Is it blood? It's not! It is snot!"
J.H.: Like when The Sims lose control of their bladders, they make blue
  puddles. "Is it urine? It's not! It's the mysterious blue fluid that
  comes out of babies on diaper commercials!"
  Green: the new red. Blue: the new yellow.
 - Kent Dahl, John Hopkins, June 2008
%
[They] tell you that if you just emit only positive vibrations in
harmony with the cosmic something-or-other, then the quantum resonance
will shower you with happy coincidences by reloading the matrix with
the law of attraction, or something equally silly. (Like, "believe in
yourself and everything will work out".) - Phillip J. Eby, June 2008
%
A common science fiction trope involves aliens intercepting our
television shows and being so impressed that they use it as a basis
for their entire civilization. That's pretty egotistical. Even human
beings don't base their entire lives on one long-defunct television
show. Well, except for Firefly fans. - Lore Sjöberg, June 2008
%
D.P.: Any activity that won't let you plan or anticipate, but which
  instead forces you to perceive and learn quickly and pay attention
  and react and live in the moment, will get you outside the centre
  of your own universe and help you see and think differently.
R.B.: You mean like driving a car in Italy? SO WHAT? I've tried it,
  and it's not at all enlightening. - Dave Pollard, Raging Bee, 2005
%
BMI: Body Mass Index. Something horrid made up by doctors
to make me feel ashamed. - Stephen Fry, August 2008
%
There is no pony yet. There is only a really big pig with a fake pony
tail tied onto it, wearing a saddle. Very ugly. Very Scary. Close your
eyes. Little girls are screaming. - Jeff Anderson, September 2008
%
I'm so used to seeing forum posts and such where people
the verb like that. Not on purpose of course, but... just,
how do you the most important word in a sentence!?
 - Steve the Pocket on xkcd forum, September 2008
%
L.E.:This took ages to track down, and caused personal loss as well as
  execution of a number of kittens.
M.T.:Your violence towards animals is noted with disappointment. However,
  when I rule the world there may be a place for you in my organisation.
 - Ludvig Ericson, Malcolm Tredinnick, October 2008
%
We had this patient who suffered penile fracture after running
across the room and trying to penetrate his wife with a flying leap.
 - Dr. Hunter Wessels, interviewed on www.sciam.com, January 2009
%
"Love is blind," the poets observe. But no need for dismay; loss of love
usually restores complete vision. Furthermore, lovers never complain
about their blindness; at least not until they are squaring off in divor-
ce court. At that point, the now-former lovers possess such acute vision
that they can pinpoint flaws the Hubble telescope could not detect.
 - Eric Fry, October 2009
%

Il Presidente della Repubblica Luigi Einaudi nominò Trilussa senatore
a vita il 1º dicembre 1950, venti giorni prima che morisse; già da
tempo malato, e presago della fine imminente, ma con immutata ironia,
il poeta commentò: "M'hanno nominato senatore a morte".
 - http://it.wikipedia.org/wiki/Trilussa, 2009
%
The communist creed:
  from each according to their ability, to each according to their need.
The capitalist creed: from
  each according to their gullibility, to each according to their greed.
 - Joe Stack, February 2010
%
E le forchette? Non vorresti disegnare le NUOVE FORCHETTE ECOVILLAGGIO?
Forchette a basso impatto, ergonomiche, che quando le prendi tra le dita
sono così comode, bilanciate, arrendevoli, vellutate che tu godi. Arri-
vare alla forchettità TOTALE!!! La forchettità repressa per secoli dallo
sciovinismo patriarcale colonialista stronzo. - Jacopo Fo, febbraio 2010
%
Non perderò occasione di portare argomenti di buon senso in tutte le
situazioni dove questo sia possibile, chiunque io abbia di fronte. Sarei
disposto a offrire proposte perfino a Silvio. Ma non lo farò perché non
ho le tette e quindi non ho nessuna possibilità di richiamare la sua
attenzione. Sono conscio dei miei limiti. - Jacopo Fo, luglio 2010
%
Cheese crumbs spread in front of a copulating pair of rats
may distract the female, but not the male.
 - Alfred Kinsey in "Sexual Behavior in the Human Female", quoted by
   Mary Roach in "Bonk: the curious coupling of sex and science", 2008
%
Nominations for a Nobel prize [...] remain secret for fifty years. You
make the claim, and nobody can prove otherwise until after you're dead.
Add one to your résumé today!
 - Mary Roach in "Bonk: the curious coupling of sex and science", 2008
%
Ben Bernanke ought to write country music songs on the side.
They would all have the same theme: I cheated on you honey,
but take me back one more time. - Gary North, December 2010
%
Articles in the literature of procrastination often allude
to the author's own problems with finishing the piece.
(This article will be no exception.)
 - James Surowiecki, October 2010
%
kika13: senza amore siamo uomini e donne a metà
teknico: con un amore arriviamo a tre quarti, con due a 0.875, con tre
a 0.9375 e così via. La formula esatta è (2^(x+1)-1)/(2^(x+1)), dove x
è il numero di amori: x=0 -> 1/2, x=1 -> 3/4, x=2 -> 7/8, x=3 -> 15/16
ecc. Non è divertente la matematica? ;-) - su Friendfeed, gennaio 2011
%
Andando a casa ho girato nella villetta sbagliata
e mi sono scontrato con un albero che non ho.
 - RATP su Friendfeed, gennaio 2011
%
Lopo: Il vescovo di Livorno è pisano...
Rey: ecco perchè sono ateo
 - Su friendfeed.com, aprile 2011
%
Quando il gioco si fa duro i clown cominciano a ridere!
 - Jacopo Fo, luglio 2011